Colonel.

Deeply I breathe in and close my eyes. The sounds around me are ‘pure nature’. The rustling of the trees, the birds whistling busily around me, the smell of cut grass and in the distance a gentle breeze from one of the horses. Just another deep breath and I feel my body slowly relax. In this silence, my brain seizes its chance. ‘Now you can hear me even better’, it seems to say.

Alexandra’s assignment was to just ‘be’ there. To stand, in the now, here with your eyes closed and see what comes in. As a human being, you want to explain everything; why just that one thought comes in? Why that story? I had put those flashbacks away, processed them and moved on? But no, the brain never tells the story you want to hear. It’s always different than you try to direct. And so some images from the past blow through my mind, images that move me. Not because they are so beautiful, but mostly because, but mostly because they were intense. Suddenly next to me I hear the hooves in the sand. Strangely enough, I manage to keep my eyes closed and surrender to this moment. I feel a soft muzzle pushing against my right hand, breathing gently and quietly. My brain is still engaged, but my body becomes calmer. As I slowly open my eyes, Floris, one of the horses in the pack, quietly raises his head and, with a deep sigh, places it gently on my right shoulder and remains so. Alexandra, who stands at some distance away, calmly explained, this symbolizes the ‘comforting’. hand on the shoulder. It fits my need at that moment, comfort. It is not a sport to make me cry, I am an emotional kit that is in transition age, but this really comes in for a moment.

Working with his other horse buddy Navida, Floris then pushes around the arena with hugs. As I continue to share my thoughts with Alexandra, the idea is to shape the characters in this story through these hugs. This way each one gets its place, symbolically around me, or just far away from me. In this way I can place someone out of my life, or allow someone his freedom. It is liberating to give the brain scars a physical place. Floris gently but forcefully pushes me aside when I blame myself in my story. It is as if he wants to make it clear to me that I cannot control it. ‘You can’t control everything’, Alexandra points out. She has been doing this for many years, working with het pack and knows better than anyone else how these magnificent animals are able to mirror your feelings. While I also had a small trust problem with horses in the past, now there is nothing, nothing at all. Rarely have I been able to relax so fully as I did this afternoon with Alexandra in the outdoor arena with the American Quarter horses pack Triangles, & Colonel and Welsh ponies Navida & Floris.

Colonel.The horse it all started with. Now this afternoon he is further away from me, merely an observer and lowest in rank within the group, she tells me. But for me, he symbolizes one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. I was here before, in 2017, with a yoga weekend of my yoga group from Brielle. It was a ‘one- time- thing’ because life didn’t offer much opportunity at the time. But it was golden weekend. With lovely people and beautiful meetings, conversations and good food. And Colonel.

Our stay then was against the meadow of the BoksheideBuiten estate. One morning, I am often awake earlier than early, so too then, I was strolling in the summer dew of the meadow. The beautiful horse at the fence caught my attention. As I walked toward the fence, it turned out I was not the only early bird. Alexandra was walking with the horse in the outdoor arena and we got acquainted and started talking. About nature, about yoga and finally about the power of horses. She asked me to come back in the afternoon with the other of the group so she could show what breathing can already do to horses.

As I stood on the other side of the fence in the outdoor arena in the afternoon, with the other participants curiously leaning over the fence, I found myself face to face with Colonel. His head on curious alert. Alexandra asked me to stand directly in front of him and place my right hand above his eyes, between his ears.As taught in yoga, I applied a deep breath trough and Colonel remained alert and curious. At Alexandra’s direction, I changed my breathing to the pace she indicated and somehow Colonel and I began to breathe in sync, with my hand still on his forehead. As if everything stopped for a moment and only he and I were in the room, Colonel slowly began to bow his head down. Very quietly, campy, lower and lower. His eyes relaxed and alertness was replaced by serene calm. Very calmly, Colonel finally brought his nose against my belly and stayed that way. Tears streamed down, my cheeks. It seemed like magic, a merging, universal magical moment. In a soft voice, Alexandra broke the silence and both Colonel and I became part of the environment again. Behind me, still hovering over the fence, the tears in my fellow layoff mates were also wiped away. Apparently I was not the only one who had been moved.

Back to 2025. Social media is a lot more ‘normal’ and I was folllowing  Alexandra’s insta account BoksheideBuiten. I did share the story about Colonel with those around me quite often, and so recently to a friend who was clearly touched. I began to wonder if I shouldn’t let  Alexandra know how much that moment had triggered and still moves people when I tell it. I didn’t know Alexandra otherwise, had never actually spoke to her since that afternoon in 2017. So I sent a DM to BoksheideBuiten and within a day I got a great response from Alexandra. Whether I had any idea that she too had never forgotten this moment. Because even though she already had experience with horse coaching at the time and took the training, she had not seen such a connection before. Moreover, it turned out that she had been following my website jeanshome for several years. I was completely surprised. Even more so when Alexandra invited me to come to Eersel again, share my writing tips and for once join her busy BoksheideBuiten life. BoksheideBuiten are the vacation homes she rents out, in addition she has her work as a horse coach and trainer. It was and still is an extraordinary story. Two complete strangers leaving such an impression on each other, without knowing it about each other.

It turned out to be a fantastic weekend, I helped out in the vacation rental and Alexandra, in additional to the afternoon horse coaching, took me for a wonderful walk on the heaths in the Kempen. The deafening silence there is so comforting, like a warm embrace with nature. Alexandra loves to share het experiences, about life, horses and nature. In turn, I like to share my expreienses and disires in being a writer, matching Alexandra’s new blog page, and that’s how these guests blog came about. And now back in the suburbs, away from the beautiful surroundings of Eersel. But with a special friendship richer.

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